Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.
(Silly Post, I know, but I just love that conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland!!!)
(oh, and BTW, it really does apply to the life of someone who is Bipolar, if you just read between the lines, LOL)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I Don't Even Know...
Why I am posting right now. I have had maybe 2 hours of sleep... My 2 youngest kids, Kae & Dyl, didn't want to sleep last night. And My husband was up playing World of Warcraft till prob'ly 5 am. I swear sometimes I hate that game. Sometimes, I hate my hubby, all because of that damn game. I should've known better when I married him. He was a computer geek then, a gamer, whatever the hell that means... Like he is suddenly gonna change, just cause I want him to. HA, fat chance, men do NOT change. They might pretend like they are gonna for a little while, but it doesn't last. Look, I am not going all man-hater or anything, I just wish that my Hbby could switch places with me for a few days. Ya know, see how his "other-half" lives. Let him deal with the crazy roller-coaster ride that I lovingly call my "Bipolar Bear" Mind. Oh, would he be enlightened. I sometimes wonder if he thinks I enjoy making everyone around me feel like they have entered the Twilight Zone. Ummm, NO, I do not enjoy it. Like I would willingly choose to make myself look like a psycho nutcase in the middle of Wal-Mart, or Krogers, or at family functions...okay, maybe I could get away with it at family functions, because my whole family is a little crazy, but still... And, don't get all defensive about my use of terms like psycho, or nutcase. I use those terms in reference to myself. I know how people today love to be all politically correct these days, but I choose to say exactly what is on my mind. I am nothing, if not blunt. It may sometimes get me into trouble, but hey, at least I have never been sued or beaten up for it. I have never been in jail either. But, I digress... Ranting may be the only purpose for this post. Maybe you'll get a laugh out of my ramblings about my life in general. Hey, if someone reads this and feels a little bit better about themselves, or gets a little chuckle out of it, Yay! If not, oh well. I am just here to to provide a little insight into my daily life. Soemday I may post 4 or 5 times, someday, maybe not at all. I am just doing my thing. This is like, theraputic for me. So, keep your arms, and legs in the rollercoaster at all times, we are about to got for a bumpy ride. Hang on tight and feel free to scream if you want. I do it all the time, of course, sometimes I get strange looks, but as rhett says, "Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a Damn!"
Monday, March 30, 2009
Some Info on BPD
Living with BPD
Current mood: contemplative
~ Evidence is strongly suggesting that Bipolar Disorder - previously known as manic Depression - may be dramatically increasing in modern society. - PROFESSOR GORDON PARKER ~
So, over the last few months, I have been struggling in my personal life. I pray I will make it through each day without my moods rapidly cycling from one extreme to another; I am teetering on the edge of a breakdown. One day is never quite the same as another. So, I went to see my DR. After going to my DR, expressing my concerns over my daily struggles to "keep my head on straight", and pouring out nothing but the truth, in regards to my mental health, she told me she believed I was Bipolar. Finally, I had a name for what was going on with me. I had something tangible to lead me in the direction I needed to go, to get the help I need.
To the Carer and family - "Just because I could achieve my tasks yesterday, please do not assume that I will be able to do it tomorrow"
Here is some of the info I found on BPD... And though I do not exhibit all of these symptoms, most of them apply to me.
What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.
Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
* Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
* Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
* Extreme irritability
* Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
* Distractibility, can't concentrate well
* Little sleep needed
* Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
* Poor judgment
* Spending sprees
* A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
* Increased sexual drive
* Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
* Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
* Denial that anything is wrong
A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with 3 or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, 4 additional symptoms must be present...
A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.
Behavioral and Emotional Effects of Manic Phases
A small percentage of bipolar disorder patients demonstrate heightened productivity or creativity during manic phases. More often, however, the distorted thinking and impaired judgment that are characteristic of manic episodes can lead to dangerous behavior, including the following:
* Spending money with reckless abandon, causing financial ruin in some cases.
* Angry, paranoid, and even violent behaviors.
* Openly promiscuous behavior.
Often such behaviors are followed by low self-esteem and guilt, which are experienced during the depressed phases. During all stages of the illness, patients need to be reminded that the mood disturbance will pass and that its severity can be diminished by treatment.
Hypomania - a less extreme form of manic episode - could include:
* Having utter confidence in yourself
* Being able to focus well on projects
* Feeling extra creative or innovative
* Being able to brush off problems that would paralyze you during depression
* Feeling "on top of the world" but without going over the top.
Hypomania does not include hallucinations or delusions, but a hypomanic person still might exhibit some reckless or inappropriate behavior. A person who has moods of depression and hypomania is said to have Bipolar II.
Here are a few quotes from some notable people you might recognize about living with BPD:
I'm fine, but I'm bipolar. I'm on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I'm never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It's like being a diabetic.
~Carrie Fisher~
I've had this problem since I was in my 20s. They don't call it manic depression anymore. They call it a bipolar disorder, and I'm a Type 2.
~Ned Beatty~
I don't know why I decided to post this blog... I guess I just wanted to put it out there. I know I am not the only person who goes through this, but I want to be one of the 80% of people living with BPD that make a recovery. And for everyone who has seen me at my worst, maybe after reading this you have some insight into why I flipped out.
"I was much further than you thought, and not waving but drowning."
~Stevie Smith
Current mood: contemplative
~ Evidence is strongly suggesting that Bipolar Disorder - previously known as manic Depression - may be dramatically increasing in modern society. - PROFESSOR GORDON PARKER ~
So, over the last few months, I have been struggling in my personal life. I pray I will make it through each day without my moods rapidly cycling from one extreme to another; I am teetering on the edge of a breakdown. One day is never quite the same as another. So, I went to see my DR. After going to my DR, expressing my concerns over my daily struggles to "keep my head on straight", and pouring out nothing but the truth, in regards to my mental health, she told me she believed I was Bipolar. Finally, I had a name for what was going on with me. I had something tangible to lead me in the direction I needed to go, to get the help I need.
To the Carer and family - "Just because I could achieve my tasks yesterday, please do not assume that I will be able to do it tomorrow"
Here is some of the info I found on BPD... And though I do not exhibit all of these symptoms, most of them apply to me.
What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.
Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
* Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
* Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
* Extreme irritability
* Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
* Distractibility, can't concentrate well
* Little sleep needed
* Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
* Poor judgment
* Spending sprees
* A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
* Increased sexual drive
* Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
* Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
* Denial that anything is wrong
A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with 3 or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, 4 additional symptoms must be present...
A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.
Behavioral and Emotional Effects of Manic Phases
A small percentage of bipolar disorder patients demonstrate heightened productivity or creativity during manic phases. More often, however, the distorted thinking and impaired judgment that are characteristic of manic episodes can lead to dangerous behavior, including the following:
* Spending money with reckless abandon, causing financial ruin in some cases.
* Angry, paranoid, and even violent behaviors.
* Openly promiscuous behavior.
Often such behaviors are followed by low self-esteem and guilt, which are experienced during the depressed phases. During all stages of the illness, patients need to be reminded that the mood disturbance will pass and that its severity can be diminished by treatment.
Hypomania - a less extreme form of manic episode - could include:
* Having utter confidence in yourself
* Being able to focus well on projects
* Feeling extra creative or innovative
* Being able to brush off problems that would paralyze you during depression
* Feeling "on top of the world" but without going over the top.
Hypomania does not include hallucinations or delusions, but a hypomanic person still might exhibit some reckless or inappropriate behavior. A person who has moods of depression and hypomania is said to have Bipolar II.
Here are a few quotes from some notable people you might recognize about living with BPD:
I'm fine, but I'm bipolar. I'm on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I'm never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It's like being a diabetic.
~Carrie Fisher~
I've had this problem since I was in my 20s. They don't call it manic depression anymore. They call it a bipolar disorder, and I'm a Type 2.
~Ned Beatty~
I don't know why I decided to post this blog... I guess I just wanted to put it out there. I know I am not the only person who goes through this, but I want to be one of the 80% of people living with BPD that make a recovery. And for everyone who has seen me at my worst, maybe after reading this you have some insight into why I flipped out.
"I was much further than you thought, and not waving but drowning."
~Stevie Smith
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